Innumerabilis

Upon reflection, the last substantial update was in February. The previous entry was done in a somnolent, and contemplative mood. I seem to get Bi-Polar Manic Depression haha, I was so sad yesterday and so, well, I wouldn’t use the term happy but “un-sad” now.

So, on Friday night (07 Apr 06) I went to KTV at Cuppage Plaza. The place is chock-full of Japanese restaurants and KTV lounges. The long and short of it is, I am probably not going back there, nor to any other KTV, again. My knowledge of Chinese songs is woefully inadequate, my voice is more of croaking than singing, I cannot recognise a lot of the traditional Chinese words, and a little bit of alcohol made me get a headache the next morning. Oh well, at least I can say now that I have been to a KTV, though I didn’t really like the experience.

Yesterday was a busy day. Physiotherapy in the morning, lunch with Shiyan in the afternoon (Zhi Kai pulled out at the last minute >:() and dinner with the guys (and sherilyn). The physiotherapist is a sadist, the lunch at some rather nondescript restaurant was ok (and cheaper than I expected), and the dinner was somewhat marred by the crammed seating arrangement, and the Ma La soup base having too many black pepper bits. Hotness and chilli oil I can stand, but too much pepper gives a different spin on the soup which, unfortunately, is definitely not to my taste. I do not think any of us will be going back to that restaurant any time soon.

Such a busy day summed up in one paragraph. Well, such is life. We can expound on and on about some obscure concept that do not touch us directly, but with regards to pressing and personal events we end up so tongue-tied.

At BK just before going home, someone asked if anyone had anyone in their family who died of cancer. Of my situation, I wonder how many knew? Not even, I suspect, those who think they are my close friends. Or perhaps I don’t have any. It is okay, as what I said in jest last night, I meant it truthfully.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

My take on the poem: I did not die, for I did not live. I hesitate to state so, though, for fear of marring the beautiful poem.

cav·a·lier P Pronunciation Key (kv-lîr)
adj.
Carefree and nonchalant; jaunty.

Cavalier. Insouciant. Blasé. Lackadaisical. The English langauge is adequately rich in its repertoire of negative terms, and all of these moniker of the same idea fits me to a tee. My light duty ends on 18th Apr, and I should probably train for IPPT. I don’t care. I should probably go and take driving lessons. I don’t care. I should stay up less and sleep more. I don’t care.

There are myriad of reasons as to why I don’t care. All of them make sense individually, but when viewed at a macroscopic level, it only reveals a person who is a zombie walking in bright daylight, dreaming a dream in another plane. Oh, to sleep beyond the flow of time. What a beautiful concept.